I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
