just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
