You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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