Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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