My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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