i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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