'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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