sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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