I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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