They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
