Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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