So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think my mom watched the whole time
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
