I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
