Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
