The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
