i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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