o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
