Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
