You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
