they need to just BURY HIM!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
