Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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