Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Acid is not a monday night drug
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
