i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
