i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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