So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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