OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
