i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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