i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize