fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
