new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you had me at cake vodka
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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