yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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