I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize