I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
