His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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