so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
