I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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