you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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