i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
