There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
