The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
