a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
