I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
