Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
