Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
