i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
