idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this will be a night to untag.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
