I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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