I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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