I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
