So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
