My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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