Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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