How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
