Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
