I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
