Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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