in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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