why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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