I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
