Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
