you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
