where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize